Seattle Domestic Violence Criminal Defense Attorney, Bellevue, WA Domestic Violence Charges Attorney, Custody-Divorce

Over the years, my perspective on these cases changed. Not my understanding of the statutes or case law, but my understanding of characteristics of the abusers themselves and how this effects the application of the laws. As soon as a divorce case begins, abusers invariably escalate their behavior dramatically: it could be physical violence or other forms of control, or both. Where children are involved in the case, their lack of voice at the outset of virtually all proceedings, coupled with what we know about abuser characteristics, mandates a balance of due process considerations very different than other areas of law.

Do you need protection from an abusive and/or potentially violent and controlling spouse?

You can get a Domestic Violence Protection Order (DVPO) without a lawyer. (The following video was chosen out of 100's and no inference or insinuation for or against the parties, lawyers, Judge or other participants is meant to be attached to it.) Click here for a video excerpt of a Parenting Plan and Protection Order Hearing at the Kent branch of the King County Family Court.

The Family Courts in Washington do a pretty good job with what limited resources are legislature has set aside for your divorce court cases (yes, that means you in the form of your elected representatives in Olympia! The next time you wonder why the Family Court Commissioner does not have time to take your personal testimoney on a particular 26.50 hearing with a DVPO: look in the rear view mirror and see how many other people are waiting to be heard before the mid-day court calendar ends and the clerks have a legal right to go to lunch!) But you see my point is that the Court SHOULD TAKE LIVE TESTIMONY in those early stage domestic violence protection order petitions. You may think that I am just making self-serving excuses for my "brethren" but you are dead wrong and ignorant. I am not that sort of person most of the time, and in fact in this case it's quite true. (Please note that this page is a work in progress and I need to update my child-support software. However, it is a sensitive point I am trying to get at when people lose custody and the Court does not always have the time resources or staff to read 5 stacks of papers before both the morning and afternoon calendar of cases and still make what is now only an upper middle class salary at beswtt: it's public record, the last time I checked it was $115,000 per year. I wish we could be like Arizona where I have perosnally chatted with some of the most experienced family law attorneys about temporary orders hearings in that state. My mother obtained her second MA (masters degree) in that state and was a social worker and child guardian for over 5 years dealing solely with custody in both domestic violence and child sexual molestation cases. My mother spent many a hot Norhern Arizona afternoon trying to convince conservative Mormon Judges (who dominate the Northern Arizona Superior courts and make no mistake I mean no disparagement as Mormons, in every respect tend to hold themselves successfully to a higher moral standard than most) what the best interests of the child in fact was in a particular case What's most important is that nobody is perfect, and you need some help because you are about to be put behind the eight-ball.

You CAN obtain primary custody even after having a protection order or dv charge brought against you!

I don't handle the criminal side if you are more than "50% guilty/at fault" so to speak (rarely is either party innocent!) Although I used to represent all persons charged with some exceptions such as when the victim was a child, or the damage-to-the-wife/evidence against the man so thoroughly "shocked the conscience", as one of my favorite 1st year law school cases proclaimed, that I felt it was not at all realistic for me to defend someone so repulsive to me), so if you are falsely accused facing the power of the state behind a former partner's false claims or exaggerations and you need an experienced domestic violence criminal defense attorney as well as a civil side divorce lawyer, then your search has ended. Nobody is perfectly innocent in personal relationship breakups. I'm on your side. However, if you use power and control and intimidation to force your spouse to stay with you please look elsewhere. Nobody likes to be left or get dumped. You are not alone on that score. Every woman and man feels it, but the reactions or coping methods can be different given the many factors in the person and case. Sometimes, but not often, I will still represent you in your family law action even if you have been convicted of domestic violence. But very rarely will I. It is nt because some real injustices have occurred. In fact the lies of a spouse or third parties are not the only travesty of justice that has occurred in this world. But I don't believe we should even tolerate that. One problem is that my judgment of people in the past hass maybe not been A+ during the crucial initial stages; during the early years of my practice. My dad is the complete opposite and does not even insinuate a threat to control. And raise a hand to my sister or anyone else weaker than him I think probably never entered his mind. And so I just neve believed it. "He/you would do thaaaaat!". After, I suppose I thought in part at the time, "...this person is setting here having a completely pleasant conversation with me he is not abrasive in the least!". Most of them are very charming guys. and I am satisfied that the children are not seeing and visiting with you as much as they should in their best interests AND this is because of the orders currently in place. You could have made mistakes (which are not justified or excused), but your spouse has now so thoroughly capitalized on this advantage (for example in the case of domestic violence protection orders (DVPO)) that the children are getting too much "protection" as it were. Attorneys withdraw from cases for hundreds of reasons, but you can be fure that I will withdraw from yours if at least you know that you are just not good for those kid(s). If there is money left on the basis of hourly charges I refund it. But if you owe money, you are also going to pay for that too. It may sound like the world is against you, but children are not in fact property and it is not your prerogative to behave like a troll until they have the "righ" to leave or something like that. You may even think you are good for them. Again, if there is any division of the courts that deserved a 500% in funding it is those little kids at the protection order hearings with their 10 lawyer "family law" firm. Of course every Commissioner would love to find those little kids in testimony. Their best interest is at the end of not just mom and dad complaining each for just 5-10 minutes at a protection order hearing: but 4 witnesses and 4 hours. Because at these crucial stages we seem to expect the children to have had sufficient funds to file papers about what really happened. Of course, if you do this area of law or are a family court bailiff, clerk or social worker, or Guardian for the Child (which we pretend are paid enough also; but they are not so maybe you think it is enough that they get a latin name or some such fancy legal spelling: Guardian ad litem.) HYou are not doing those kids any favors by pretending that lawyers just make up the rules and control the system from the inside "just how they want to anyways". (By the way, i do know how to spell, but there is a time for that, and you can do it when there is nothing more pressing to do. Or if you want to ignore it, and then you can think alot about it.

Back to these DV deadbeats. However, I would like you to be clearly aware that as a man I do not represent the true victimizers out there; especially if they are men. If you have slowly harmed your wife's self-esteem and/or used fear and intimidation and in some cases even physical force to batter her into believing she is not worth more: stay away from my office as I don't want your case and will withdraw as soon as I discover who you are. But that message is just for the real bad guys out there, not the fellows who maybe are 10-20% at fault but are getting railroaded by a system that sometimes can not see the difference between a shark and a dolphin. (Do we need to discuss the Wenatchee cases?)

You need to innoculate (so to speak) your case at the very outset, you need to protect your court file (which will follow you for the remainder of your childrens' lives and even any other future children you have with another woman) from an early contamination that a dv protection order can bring. Again, if you are a controller...abuser, regardless of physical acts the interviewer's at the court and GALs will find you out anyways so forget it. (Even the craftiest "smarty pants" PhDs give themselves away in subtle behaviors. Fooling a lawyer new to practice, and new to people like you (if that's whose reading), is just going to result in a large legal bill. It would save you time and headache to just try to get help: and your court success and custody documents will follow from that.) Striving to provide information as well as an "add", this page continues infra. (Weblish need not be free of typos: prose it isn't supposed to be; Infra is common legal latin for "further on" in the document at hand.)

Before I go further, if you are truly innocent of either civil protection order claims or criminal charges currently leveled against you, or if the other party is dramatically exaggerating an event to gain an advantage in an emminent custody proceeding, stop right now and consider whether you have the funds to hire an attorney to prove your side of the case properly. If you have combined dv accusations/charges/convictions and custody I require at least $3,000.00 up front. You can pay the $85.00 diagnosis fee at my order page to schedule a consulation. It may be that I still need an hour of research (another $175.00) just to decide whether I believe that I wish to take your case or answer your questions accurately as to what various options you have. I try to give you percentage "likelihoods" given the many decisions and choices you will have along the way as to how to litigate your custody case and dv (or assault charge) defense. You CAN obtain primary custody even after having a protection order or dv charge brought against you! The worse parent can get lucky at the early stages. The best interests of the children are not about litigation chess matches; or who takes the first "pawns". I also will not be your "aggressive custody lawyer" if it means filing frivolous or false motions: please take heed that RCW 26.09 has special requirements in litigation WHICH ARE VERY DIFFERENT than traditional gladiatorial style legal actions: this is what throughout the history of the Common Law has been referred to as a court of "equity". And along those lines you may be surprised to discover that attorneys quite rightly are not allowed or expected to play the game like a winner takes all combat game. So don't expect that of me unless the real winner(s) end up being neither me, nor you, nor the judge but the children. So, that much sounds philosophical and "just your opinion". But again you can waste your money if you have not read 100+ legal opinions and statutes which created this opinion. The starting point for this opinion's predecessor is a good casebook on divorce and family law. You can get one in most law school book stores for about $120.00. You can start reading the same opinions I have in your basic level casebook. I am not too worried about spelling errors in web-pages like this however the meaning and use of the present and perfect past tense of verbs can be important to see. What I mean is this: think very carefuly about whether your intended use of my services or those of my office is in the best interests of the children. My opinion may not be the same as yours but more objective nonetheless. In my opinion, this objective advice could help you in the long-run. The lesser/worse parent often times will get lucky and obtain temporary custody through a criminal side/law protection order or a civil protection order filed without a lawyer against you. And many protection orders obtained without a lawyer are also in the best interests of the children. As the case goes on I will give you a chance and try to see your side of it as I discover whether you really are aiming for a goal that is going to bring the case to a conclusion (and hopefully not put more stress on the system than it needs to) that is fair and equitable. But understand that I do reserve the right to withdraw after a time, or after a few court hearings, for any reason at all not just whether you have the funds or otherwise. As your attorney I am bound by the rules of confidentiality unless you admit certain matters relating to child abuse (and a few other exceptions that almost never apply in family law actions). You tell me what your goals are and my duty as your lawyer is to acheive them.

Now, a word regarding the abusers/jerks out there. Discourse analysis is not needed to see what is called "abuse of male privilege". It really just refers to a very selfish person (equally applicable in fact to both men and woman as it turns out) who has a way overblown sense of entitlement. This sort of "have your cake and eat it too" sort of sexist way of thinking leads men to believe that women are their property. Usually men who honestly think they can hit their wives or children are the same ones who, one way or another, think that this other human being somehow "belongs" to them. Or at least that is often their way of conceptualizing the relationship. When it is their common or natural instinct to want and even DEMAND much more than they need to be happy without the requisite degree of concern for the other half of the relationship, then you have found a way of thinking that is harmful to the children and is symptomatic of a very lame or watered down version of masculinity. It is this version of masculinity which I have found is very difficult to deal with in my office. The most common cause of anti-social behavior that results from this sort of culture is some form of insecurity and/or defects of character i.e. lack of conscience coupled with either a) society's condoning or even approving of an overblown sense of entitlement as to the opposite sex, b) lack of education or opportunity to look at oneself and it's impact and the justiciousness of same. It takes time and determination to see outside one's social context. And in fact many do not even have this as a choice.

Please read on about these fools below....

In rare cases I discovered that some of these abusers will occassionally slip up now and again and display the same behavior they were being accused of with me as their attorney! It would usually be little things at first, like trying to get a letter written for them in an intimidating way or motion filed for the wrong purpose. But they did not use the fear of possible violence in their little slip-ups with me as I'm over 6 foot, good at greco-roman wrestling, and played varsity soccer in college. (Lawyers are not all geeks: a recent Bush supreme court appointee was a wrestling fanatic!) I discovered that abusers engage in an escalating pattern over time, using little bits of fear, or intimidation here and there. It also comes from all areas of society: clients would subtly avoid paying the minimal retainers needed for additional work, but demand that I not leave a case. I don't promise a payment plan, but abusers would try to extract one not by an honest request or true reason like the loss of a job. I always knew my clients finances in the main, but the absusers with money would balk at retainers that were clearly needed for additional work, but tell me I they would only pay after it was finished. When you have a net worth of $300k, and liquid assets of $60,000 in the bank, your 2 day trial should not have to be done by me on "credit"!

You often don't initially know who you are dealing with as abusers in DV may be wealthy and never reached the point of actually striking their spouse. Some were skinny high income CEOs, others built like Oak trees. After 4-5 years of cases, the data began to deveop: upfront and real (and without possible political influence by lobbying groups funding "studies" or sth. like that). It gave me an appreciation of the sometimes dramatic reactions by some of these abusers when the Court becomes involved or the victim trys to leave them, or leave them and take the child. The data of real cases relating to what abusers do when kids are involved also was not available except after having many cases where abuse was involved (regardless of whether criminal charges had ever even been filed). Women also commit DV, but fear of violence usually can't be used as a pattern of control and abuse. If false allegations/exaggerations are sometimes made to secure custody, financial gain through the child-support order, revenge, anger or spite. If so you should deal with it early in the case.

Many abusers were extremely intelligent, engaged in highly complex work, earning much more than I do. Abusers can be skinny wimps or six foot five linebackers from the NFL.

The DV laws, and their unique application when custody is involved, can startle the uninitiated. It took me close to five years to fully understand their subtle yet influential tie to the hidden participants: the children. The abuser's tell-tale characteristics, or the extent of his/her guilt or innocence, don't change from case to case. However, the application of the law needs to when children are involved. Being discretionary in nature, the knee-jerk tendency to search the statute and case law on this issue could be similar to looking for a needle in the wrong haystack. You should spend 3-4 years down at your local courts making notes on the real-world application of the law by the judges and commissioners themselves. Unlike a commercial transaction, even the simplest of these combined cases hit's right on something that CAN ONLY be dealt with through discretionary laws: the extremely fragile psychological relationship of the child to his/her parents. The quick and wide sweeping orders needed to deal with this situation (where the child has no voice in the first place) mandate an approach unlike, say, tax law. Much of change, came from seeing that there is sometimes very little else that can be done given how much harm can be done when some of these cases play out in cases with children. But it also came from learning more about the way abusers tend to act once the court becomes involved and/or their partner decides to "abandon" or leave them. This took years to fully appreciate, and in fact came in part from discovering that these types of people have a problem with common symptoms and reactions. For some abusers they may have never actually "hit" or physically attacked the spouse in any way. Their pattern of control and intimidation was limited to very subtle methods or emotional abuse (self-esteem), threats to take children, financial control...etc.. But the moment the Court becomes involved the history of cases and data show very clearly that most of these people react initially to the even by going off the deep end in terms of control, isolating or physically abusive behaviors. Kidnapping of children prior to court orders being entered is common. A previous emotional abuser who had never hit anyone in his/her life will become violent for the first time at this point. During my first few years of practice, I discovered that some of these people are successful executives and people who had never been in a fight in their life. Many times they would come to me without a criminal charge, but that there was a civil proteciton order in place. Over the course of 3-4 years I also discovered that these abusers (and some are women, but it is less likely because physically then can't intimidate a man with a threat of violence because it could not be carried out) use threats or fear of violence more often then the actually violence itself.

Abusers can be women too, but in that case the abuse can't really be expected to be physical because very few men could be intimidated or controlled through their fear of the possibility of violence. This is very important when you look at how the court has to intervene in these cases. When physical violence escalates quickly the results can be devastating and with no remedy by the courts after the fact. If the method of abuse is financial blackmail, the Court can always deal with that easily and with predictable results over time or at a later date by viewing bank records submitted by counsel. When the issue is the possibility of physical violence, and we know from experience that abusers dramatically escalate their behavior upon entrance of the legal system into the abusive relationship, the only method is to keep the abuser away from the person they are controlling. Even phone contract can provide an avenue for threat. Women who have committed DV usually did so out of an explosion of anger, or bar fight type of situation, they rarely use their spouses fear of physical violence as part of long-term pattern of control and abuse. Emotional abuse and blackmail are more likely.

DV allegations often involve restraining and no contact orders.

The remaining section won't make sense and is designed mainly for other lawyers, but to some extent to all other related to the system such as private investigators, therapists, GALs, and others who observe, work in, or have otherwise studied the system. Warning to new lawyers: the situation described above, is made worse for you as an attorney when your client is the low-income target of protection order allegations or DV criminal chargess: --Abusers try to force you to stay on the case when their money quickly dries up, and the innocent often don't have the funds/patience/understanding to last through trial-- If they are not an abuser in truth they will come up with the $3-4 retainer somehow even when "broke". Most low income abusers end up demanding that you take their case through trial despite that they can not pay. They will use every attempt, frivolous or not to keep you on the case. If you are a female attorney, you might find yourself subject to intimations of the same sort the victim received if they feel your necessary at a crucial juncture. If a guy, you need to just toe a hard line and they'll get it. If they know they are going to lose, they won't give you $3-4k. Make it a test. This is worse in civil cases because the abuser is not forced by the prosecutorial case schedule to "play his hand" early by taking a plea or going to trial. Abusers tend to like the civil side more because of the haywire they think they can cause prior to trial, or by being "aggressive" in their legal techniques.