Over the years, my perspective on these cases changed. Not my understanding of the statutes or case law, but my understanding of characteristics of
the abusers themselves and
how this effects the application of the laws. As soon as a divorce case begins, abusers invariably escalate their behavior dramatically: it could be
physical violence or other forms of control, or both. Where children are involved in the case, their lack of voice at the outset of virtually all proceedings, coupled
with what we know about abuser characteristics, mandates a balance of due process considerations very different than other areas of law.
As I have found that dealing with abusers as clients is too emotionally draining, I never take them anymore because it is too
difficult to gauge the veracity of your client's claims early enough. Sometimes you can, but the desire to leave the case after
coming to a different conclusion make it too much of a bother. I don't handle the criminal side of accusations (although I used to), so if you are falsely accused
facing the power of the state behind a former partner's false claims or exaggerations you should hire a criminal attorney soon and a civil
side divorce lawyer to innoculate your case, so to speak, from an early contamination that a dv protection order can bring.
Again, if you are a controller...abuser, regardless of physical acts the interviewer's at the court and GALs will find you
out anyways so forget it. (Even the craftiest "smarty pants" PhDs give themselves away in subtle behaviors. Fooling a lawyer
new to practice, and new to people like you (if that's whose reading), is just going to result in a large legal bill. It would save you time and headache
to just try to get help: and your court success and custody documents will follow from that.) Striving to provide information as well as an "add", this
page continues infra. (Weblish need not be free of typos: prose it isn't supposed to be; Infra is common legal latin for "further on" in the document at hand.)
Before I go further,
if you are truly innocent of either civil protection order claims or criminal charges currently
leveled against you, or if
the other party is
dramatically exaggerating an event to gain an advantage in an emminent custody proceeding,
stop right now and contact: www.FRInvestigations.com. If you are truly innocent they could help you. Otherwise, you should just
try to change yourself somehow.
In rare cases I discovered that some of these abusers will occassionally slip up now and again and display the same behavior they
were being accused of with me as their attorney!
It would usually be little things at first, like trying to get a letter written for them in an intimidating way or
motion filed for the wrong purpose. But they did not use the fear of possible
violence in their little slip-ups with me as I'm over 6 foot, good at greco-roman wrestling, and played varsity soccer in college.
(Lawyers are not all geeks: a recent Bush supreme court appointee was a wrestling fanatic!)
I discovered that abusers engage in an escalating pattern over time, using little bits of fear, or intimidation here and there.
It also comes from all areas of society: clients would subtly avoid paying the minimal retainers needed for additional work, but demand that I not leave a case.
I don't promise a payment plan, but abusers would try to extract one not by an honest request or true reason like the loss of a job. I always
knew my clients finances in the main, but the absusers with money would balk at retainers that were clearly needed for
additional work, but tell me I they would only pay after it was finished.
When you have a net worth of $300k, and liquid assets of $60,000 in the bank, your 2 day
trial should not have to be done by me on "credit"!
You often don't initially know who you are dealing with as abusers in DV may be wealthy and never reached the point of actually
striking their spouse. Some were skinny high income CEOs, others built like Oak trees.
After 4-5 years of cases, the data began to deveop: upfront and real (and without possible political influence by lobbying groups funding "studies" or sth. like that).
It gave me an appreciation of the sometimes dramatic reactions by some of these abusers when the Court becomes involved or the victim
trys to leave them, or leave them and take the child. The data of real cases relating to what abusers do when kids are involved also was not
available except after having many cases where abuse was involved (regardless of whether criminal charges had
ever even been filed). Women also commit DV, but fear of violence usually can't be used as a pattern of control and abuse. If
false allegations/exaggerations are sometimes
made to secure custody, financial gain through the child-support order, revenge, anger or spite. If so you should deal with it
early in the case.
Many abusers were extremely intelligent, engaged in highly complex
work, earning much more than I do. Abusers can be skinny wimps or six foot five linebackers from the NFL.
The DV laws, and their unique application when custody is involved, can startle the uninitiated. It took me close
to five years to fully understand their subtle yet influential tie to the hidden participants:
the children. The abuser's tell-tale characteristics, or the extent of his/her guilt or innocence, don't change from
case to case. However, the application of the law needs to when children are involved. Being discretionary
in nature, the knee-jerk tendency to search the statute and case law on this issue could be
similar to looking for a needle in the wrong haystack. You should spend 3-4 years down
at your local courts making notes on the real-world application of the law by the judges and commissioners
themselves. Unlike a commercial transaction, even the simplest of these combined cases hit's right
on something that CAN ONLY be dealt with through discretionary laws: the extremely fragile psychological relationship
of the child to his/her parents. The quick and wide sweeping orders needed to deal with this situation
(where the child has no voice in the first place) mandate an approach unlike, say, tax law.
Much of change, came from seeing that there is sometimes very little else that can
be done given how much harm can be done when some of these cases play out in cases with children. But it also came
from learning more about the way abusers tend to act once the court becomes involved and/or their partner
decides to "abandon" or leave them. This took years to fully appreciate, and in fact came in part from discovering
that these types of people have a problem with common symptoms and reactions. For some abusers they may have
never actually "hit" or physically attacked the spouse in any way. Their pattern of control and intimidation
was limited to very subtle methods or emotional abuse (self-esteem), threats to take children, financial control...etc..
But the moment the Court becomes involved the history of cases and data show very clearly that most of these
people react initially to the even by going off the deep end in terms of control, isolating or physically abusive behaviors.
Kidnapping of children prior to court orders being entered is common. A previous emotional
abuser who had never hit anyone in his/her life will become violent for the first time at this point.
During my first few years of practice, I discovered that some of these people are successful executives and people
who had never been in a fight in their life. Many times they would come to me without a criminal charge, but
that there was a civil proteciton order in place. Over the course of 3-4 years I also discovered that these
abusers (and some are women, but it is less likely because physically then can't intimidate a man with a threat of
violence because it could not be carried out) use threats or fear of violence more often then the actually violence
itself.
Abusers can be women too, but in that case the abuse can't really be expected to be physical because very
few men could be intimidated or controlled through their fear of the possibility of violence. This is very
important when you look at how the court has to intervene in these cases. When physical violence escalates
quickly the results can be devastating and with no remedy by the courts after the fact. If the method
of abuse is financial blackmail, the Court can always deal with that easily and with predictable results
over time or at a later date by viewing bank records submitted by counsel. When the issue is the possibility of
physical violence, and we know from experience that abusers dramatically escalate their behavior upon entrance
of the legal system into the abusive relationship, the only method is to keep the abuser away from the person
they are controlling. Even phone contract can provide an avenue for threat. Women who have committed
DV usually did so out of an explosion of anger, or bar fight type of situation, they rarely use their spouses fear of physical
violence as part of long-term pattern of control and abuse. Emotional abuse and blackmail are more likely.
DV allegations often involve
restraining and no contact orders.
The remaining section won't make sense and is designed mainly for other lawyers, but to some extent
to all other related to the system such as private investigators,
therapists, GALs, and others who observe, work in, or have otherwise studied the system.
Warning to new lawyers: the situation described above, is made worse for you as an attorney when
your client is the low-income target of protection order allegations or DV criminal chargess:
--Abusers try to force you to stay on the case when their money quickly dries up,
and the innocent often don't have the funds/patience/understanding to last through trial--
If they are not an abuser in truth they will come up with the $3-4 retainer somehow even when "broke".
Most low income abusers end up demanding that you take their case through trial despite that they can not pay.
They will use every attempt, frivolous or not to keep you on the case. If you are a female attorney, you might find yourself
subject to intimations of the same sort the victim received if they feel your necessary at a crucial juncture.
If a guy, you need to just toe a hard line and they'll get it.
If they know they are going to lose, they won't give you $3-4k. Make it a test. This is worse in civil cases because
the abuser is not forced by the prosecutorial case schedule to "play his hand" early by taking a plea or going to trial.
Abusers tend to like the civil side more because of the haywire they think they can cause prior to trial, or by being "aggressive"
in their legal techniques.